You see, where I come from, we only have one season: Summer. Although I'm not even sure if Summer is the correct seasonal word. In fact, I should just make up a new season to describe how it's really like in Texas all year round.
Fllumer. It's like...Fall and Summer. But...Fllumer. You know that stage where all the green grass turns yellow and the trees get all ugly and almost-naked, and everything just looks all brown? But, it's also hot outside all the time. That's the only season west Texas has. Fllumer.
And so I have drawn my certain conclusion that Canada's seasons are all out of wack. Their winter (also known as their most common season) lasts over half a year. Half a year. And if it's not winter, somehow it's Summer. There is hardly anything in-between other than a few seconds of mud or orange leaves.
As I was briefly back in the Land of the Frost Giants during their season of Summer, I was beguiled by the fact that there were no frost giants to be seen! I searched and searched for them, those Eskimo-like creatures with their skin made purely of ice and their eyes like shards of sapphire (I dare say that the common eye color in their land is blue. Whereas in Texas to our surprise, our eyes match the dirty south: brown. Maybe a dark brown, if you get lucky.)
Anyway, when I searched in Canadian pastures, I found nothing but healthy fruits and green vegetables (which I fled from immediately). I looked inside their vast valleys of grass and found nothing but wild flowers and ticks. I looked under rocks and over hills and beyond the expanse of the Land of the Frost Giants, but all I could find were armies of mosquitoes and horse flies.
I was soon about to label my hopeless investigation a lost cause, until suddenly I realized...What if Frost Giants metamorphosize into a different species during the summer? What if all this time, the Frost Giants have been right under my nose?!
Ecstatic and a wee bit frightened, I ran all the way back to Texas, huffling and buffling straight down into my front yard and pummeling through my house and into my secret office down a secret flight of stairs found behind a secret trapdoor, and I whipped out my handy-dandy notebook. I opened my case file for the Missing Frost Giants and reported my findings as fast as I could.
"Dear Diary, Declassified File #1: The Case of the Missing Frost Giants
Frost Giants are a rare species, and so at the sight of their sudden disappearance, I have endured deadly journeys to find them once again. After wrestling with mosquitoes the size of bears and bears the size of mosquitoes and losing several arms in the midst, I looked at the land the Frost Giants once roamed. There I laid eyes upon green pastures and flowing water.
It hit me then. I stumbled upon the answer to their rash disappearance.
You might not believe me, dear reader (how did you find my secret office?), but I've seen it with my very own two dark brown eyes (I got lucky). ...Frost Giants...metamorphosize into a different species during the summer! Yes, I truly discovered a new species! Therefore I shall give them a new name that will properly fit them in their summer shifts. In honor of my own kind and theirs, I shall call them...
Fllumer Giants.
Case Closed."
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