What a bold statement. Out of all the responses I've heard from people after hearing my moving-to-Canada story, not once has someone responded quite like this, though many elude to it. I studied this comment, as if God had just told me, "Look at you now!", once again. Almost every day, He's told me those four encouraging, intimately beautiful, pleasing and Fatherly words, "Look at you now!" It's as if I was a little girl again, and I'm heading off to my first day of kindergarten, and my dad is smiling down at me saying, "Look at my little girl now!"
These words mean more to me than what you, the reader, may begin to think. Though maybe, those that are extremely close to me will know a piece of it's impact.
I've come so far since a year ago. Almost exactly to the date, I was perhaps at my worst spiritually. Those people on the outside wouldn't have noticed. My heart was in a compromising state. I didn't take into account the hurt I was causing my parents by my random acts of rebellion (it's not like I was toilet-papering people's houses! Just the smallest remarks still count as hurtful disobedience to your parents, and this I didn't quite realize), and the compromises that began to eat away my spiritual strength and waywardness at my workplace.
It doesn't feel so good writing about how someone like me, a huge influence in my youth group at that time and to my friends and family, could have had such a spiritual low. But, from the deepest, darkest corners of my heart, I thank God for that season. Because of my spiritual low, I am now able to live in a completely opposite spiritual high.
I know who I am. I am confident in what I believe and I am candidly honest with myself. Therefore, I know that what I am going to say is absolutely true. There is no "I am feeling like this right now so I'll just say it for the time-being till my feelings change". There is no "I'm not sure I feel this way, but I'll write it anyway to make others believe me." And there certainly is no "I'm going to lie to myself to feel better." No, what I'm going to say is the core, candid, honest truth within myself.
I. Have. Changed.
I am a completely different person than who I was a year ago. I feel as if a fire is shut up in my bones, that when given the chance, I will never be able to say everything I want to tell people about what God has taught me, changed about me and revealed to me because there is too much.
This fact of my heart and spiritual change has been confirmed by many people this passed month, and confirmation through other people is the key to knowing God really has done something real to you. A girl from my school told me, "I know I don't really know you as much as others do, but I've seen how you've changed since the beginning of the school year and now, at the end of it."
I'm sharing my heart change with you, the reader, because I want you to be deeply encouraged by my own story. Know that your trials are making way for a fine, fine life, just as mine did.
Because you see, there must be darkness if God were to ever bring light, right? For God to ever redeem us, there has to be slavery to sin. For God to ever save us, there has to be a life-threatening danger. Praise God for the trials you are in! And I will leave you with a profound verse.
"Dear Friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." (1 Peter 4:12-13 NIV)
