Cliff Jumping for Noobies

I was well aware that one of the things I'd experience in Redding, California was cliff jumping. You know, finding some obscure location and jumping off three stories of slimy rock wall into the abyss of a raging waterfall and it's tundra-tempered waters. Of course.

I don't know why this is a thing for Californians (or in any place with waterfalls for that matter). It's as if cliff jumping is a sport: How many dangerous shapes can you make with your body before impact? That's what that is. Crazy people.

But for some reason, my brother and I decided to throw caution to the wind and do it. The water was a crisp -578'F (just kidding. Maybe 60'F.) and we were aching for adventure. I guess. So, let me start from the beginning.

This was our second day in Redding, CA--freshly moved from West Texas (where waterfalls don't exist). Taran and I were invited to this grand quest by our cousin, and we knew we'd be going with several "experienced" people we didn't even know, But they were from Bethel, so what's the harm, right? Haha...ha.

We traveled east into the mountains for about half an hour until we came to this really obscure lot by the highway. Following our trusted group of Christian strangers, we delved into a tunnel of trees and spiked vines and mud below our feet. We hurled over rocks and balanced over the fallen beams of trees across the creak. Where were we possibly going? I had no idea.

Until the waterfall came into sight. A beautiful, magnificent, raging water monster waiting to ensnare our company in it's frost-bitten fangs of DOOM.

Of course the manliest men went up first to show off their mad experience and anti-gravitational skills. My brother Taran followed thereafter, and upon seeing him climb the most impossible-looking cliff I've ever seen, I found my own courage.

"I SHALL GO," I exclaimed, having already adjusted my now-blue toes in the waters. "If you come with me," I quickly added, for my brother was my only source of courage left.

And so it was that I followed Taran up two logs stuck between the cliff in a perfect ladder-like position, and began my ascent on the cliff face. Now I'm being perfectly honest here: the cliff was slimy because water constantly flowed down it--and it was jagged like the face of death. It was not in the least bit pleasant. Taran had to pull me up to the top with his sheer strength because I couldn't find holding without plummeting into the arms of Jesus.

But alas! I made it to the top and shuffled my way to the jumping point of the cliff next to the waterfall. Other people watched and affirmed to me how great of a decision it was. I looked down and my knees buckled. I literally hadn't felt that much fear in my entire life, so I turned to the wise Bethel Schoolers and asked, "Does someone know a quick scripture that could encourage me right now?"

"Yeah," said one guy sitting on a rock. "And Jesus wept. Now jump!"

...Bless that boy's soul for his ill-placed comic relief.

I counted to three and jumped with my brother at my side.

My friends, I had never felt such a raw form of gravity before in my life. I mean raw as in--not from turning in a car or tripping on my shoe laces. It was simply from falling 35 feet. I made not a noise. I clenched my nose. My stomach flew into my pounding chest. I crashed into the freezing waters at such an alarming speed that my awkward I-Have-No-Idea-What-I'm-Doing position (which was a horrible position. I suggest asking someone how to jump before you actually...jump) as I fell actually spanked me right on my bum.

I remember seeing the light as the water beneath me slowed my descent, and I swam up vigorously.

When I broke the water and released my breath, the initial shock of having my bum spanked by 3 stories of gravity and 60'F water made me hyperventilate briefly. I think I was crying and laughing at the same time. My poor little bum...

Moral of the story is: Ask how to jump. Not for a scripture.

And Jesus wept? C'mon, guy.

So yeah. The experience is now my initiation into bible school with three huge bruises on my left leg to remind me how funny and horrifying my experience was :D I encourage everyone to get out and do something you've never done before, no matter the risk (except, you know...death), so that you can add those memories to you (because I will never forget this one)!

And that makes for a fine life! And a bruised bum!

How to Not Freak Out When Getting Your Wisdom Teeth Pulled

This is the story of the time I got my wisdom teeth pulled (exactly a week ago) and how I did not freak out. Despite the picture of my face before the surgery, as shown above. Isn't it beautiful?

I am the type of person to not freak out about a situation until the last very possible second, which could be considered a blessing. But there is nothing that can prepare even a grown man from having his wisdom teeth pulled spontaneously.

You see, I went to the dentist for a "preliminary appointment". That's just where you get X-Rays and the doctor says yay or nay. So he looked at them for maybe a minute and said in his Muslim accent, "They're in perfect condition to pull them out. You want to do it right now?"

...Right now?

I sat there on the seat that was in that awkward "Am I a chair or a bed?" position, and laughed. And when the doctor did not join me in the celebration of his jests, I realized he was quite serious. To which I finally respond, "Yolo. Sure." It was the most spontaneous thing I'd ever done.

The doctor told me to go have lunch and when we'd come back, he'd be ready. You know. To pull bones out of my face. So I went to have lunch with my mom and as I ate my chicken wrap I thought, This is going to be my last supper--kind of like Jesus, except I'm not getting crucified. And this is lunch. That may sound like I was freaking out, but I call it comic relief.

Anyway, so about 20 minutes later I was back in the awkward "Am I a chair or a bed?" seat in the dentist's cubicle thing, and he went straight to swabbing my gums with some sort of gel which tingled and numbed them. And then there came the needles.

My friends. My fellow readers. Those needles...were perhaps the worst part of the entire procedure, but I closed my eyes and tried to think about something else. Someone else, who was not me, who was better than me, who I could give my full attention to.

Cheesy or not, I thought about Jesus the entire time. I thought about how great he is, and imagined him in the room with me, and it was literally the best thing I could have done. Sure, it was a small surgery that almost everyone has some point in their lives, but it was a big moment to me--and therefore it was a big moment to Jesus. He cared about my pain and how scared I actually was inside, but I put all my faith in him (and the dentist. Thank you, dentist, for knowing what you were doing).

After about 5 minutes of being injected by the needles, I could no longer feel my bottom lip and jaw. Do you know how fat your lip actually is? It's gross. And how much peach fuzz is actually on your chin? You don't realize how important your nerve-endings actually are until they're numb and completely useless. You can't even tell if you're drooling or bleeding to death or something.

So the rest of the procedure took maybe 20-30 minutes while I sat their with my eyes closed thinking about Jesus as the doctor yanked my jaw this way and that. And the next thing I knew, all four nasty little wisdom teeth were out (they are a whole lot bigger than you think. My mom called them icebergs, which definitely makes sense).

I think the point of sharing this story though is that I am certain I didn't feel half as much fear (and even pain) because I was thinking about Jesus, who is much bigger than four needles and an awkward dentist chair. I think if Christians applied this to similar situations, the world would see how much peace Jesus actually provides to us. All we have to do is have faith he's got in under control.

And peace makes for a fine, fine life.

And four less icebergs in your mouth, thank goodness.

3 Reasons Why Canadians Don't Live in Texas

Hi, my name is Allison. I'm 20 years old and am part Texan (originally) and part Canadian (legally). You could say I'm a rare hybrid species, cursed with the fluctuating skin of a Frost Giant and Dust Devil. I am in constant conflict of self identity. Who am I? Even though I came from Texas, was I supposed to come from Canada? Should I be riding horses to work or polar bears? These questions are that which I cannot answer for.

What I can answer for is this: Why don't Canadians live in Texas? I've found that only I, being the freak hybrid TexaCanadian I am, can answer this. You see, I travel to Canada often. Very often. And I've come up with a short list of why the Frost Giants stay away from this beautiful, gun-abounding state-that-should-be-a-country. Let us assume that the following reasons all derive from the fact that it is so flipping hot in Texas.

1. Ventilation. 
Look. The first thing you want to do after work when you get into your car is to turn the A/C on maximum overdrive, right? WRONG. Do not do this. Time and time again, I've learned this cruel and unfortunate outcome: your A/C unit does not contain ice. It contains the dust of the earth, accumulated from 8 hours of nesting in the Texan dust storms. And it will pummel into your eyes at a thousand miles (or 1,609.34 kilometers) an hour until your sensitive retinas see only the Saharan Desert.

2. Driving.
The Texan motto is Friendship. Literally, that's what Texas means. Did you know that? (Thanks, Google.) But the Sun is not friendly to us ever so this brings us to the second reason why Canadians don't want to live in Texas: it is so blistering hot that our roads melt. Guys. Our tar melts. It gets stuck to your tires and it takes half a century of car washes to get that junk off. Tarmac starts melting at like 100'F (40'C for you special people out there). As we Texans like to say: That ain't right.

3. Allergies.
Sure, everyone has allergies to something. But what about the sun?! That's right. I thought this to be only a myth until yesterday when my boss came back from working outside in the mid-afternoon heat. She had rashes all over her neck and arms and called them "heat rashes". HEAT RASHES. Apparently, if you sweat too much, your skin pores become blocked and leak into skin tissue which makes your skin really red, bumpy and itchy. Not even a Texan wants to live in Texas after hearing something like that.

I think Canadians only need these three reasons to permanently decide to never ever ever live here. Which is a good decision. And I'm sure I haven't helped myself out much with my identity crisis. Because now I've horrified my Canadian self and need to quickly pack my bags and fly North for the summers. But my Texan self scoffs at the weakness of the opposing side and boasts of its thick skin and tough stuff.

But in the end, it's a fine life.

Even though I might need therapy now.

The Bubble Busters

Today, my church threw their very first Bubble Bowl Tournament. It's like soccer, except in bubble suits! I didn't sign up because I didn't want to get mowed over by people, but it turns out that my brother's team needed someone to fill in and I decided it might be a good story to tell people in the future. You know, of getting mowed over by a bubble.

AND SO IT IS:

Watching from the bleachers and strategizing a way to dominate our opponent was easy. But actually being on the gym floor inside a claustrophobic bubble the weight of a few hobbits was definitely not easy. I had to put my arms through straps and hold onto handles as I lugged the thing around. When the soccer ball dropped to initiate the game, I quickly found out how it felt like to depend on a plastic bubble to keep me from death. Have you ever done that? Put your complete faith in a bubble? That is a feeling you will never forget.

We lost both games, but I didn't mind because by the second go-around I was having fun. When my jams came on, you could see a blue bubble dancing with two wobbly feet. That was me. Totally me.

Shortly after the first game, though, one of our opponents barreled into the corner of the gym and wrecked his knees up pretty bad. I don't know what came over me as I approached him but I said, "Would you like us to pray for you?" I figured he would say no, and that was that. Or if he said yes, then we could just do that I'll-pray-for-you-in-my-head thing during the next part of the game. He did say yes, but I found myself kneeling over and praying aloud for his knees to heal because, well why not? People might think, "Why would Jesus care about an injury from a tournament? He doesn't even care about a silly bubble bowl." But here's the thing that I pieced together as I prayed.

The Bubble Bowl is fun. Like...really fun. And I think a lot of people forget just how fun God is. Yeah! He's fun! Where do you think the word comes from? Someone's had to laugh first for us to know what it even is. God wants us to have fun--the Christian lifestyle is not boring. And when there's an injury in the midst of said fun, why not just pray for it? God wants to heal us anyway, and what better reason to have fun in His name? Mowing over people with bubbles?

When I was done, I realized everyone that was in the vicinity of his injury came and prayed for him, too. There were at least five other people praying out loud with me, and it blew me away. Not in the sense that I didn't expect it, but just how much I loved how our church can pray at an out-of-church event with just as much passion as they would during praise and worship.

I quickly became inspired to write about it as everyone got up and continued on like praying was just a natural thing to do--just like breathing. I'm really proud of everyone in our church, and even anyone who simply prays out loud outside of church for anything. It's bold, it's inspiring and it's effective.

It makes for a very, very fine life!

Ernie and Me; The Time I Met a Veteran

This is Ernie Andrus. He's 91 years old and a World War II veteran, and he likes to run marathons.

Ernie here, who by the way is adorable (perhaps the strangest thing I've ever said about an elderly man but seriously--this chap is every bit of the word), walked into the Design Shop today to order some shirts for a marathon he's running. At first I was like, "Cool beans." And then he said he was a WWII veteran and then I was like, "COOL BEANS."

Recently since after watching the incredible true story on big screen, Unbroken (I recommend all humans to see that movie), I've been ensnared by the stories of WWII survivors and soldiers. After seeing the movie, I immediately prayed to meet a veteran in person and to talk to him about his experiences. I've no idea why it was so suddenly important to me, but all I knew at that time was that the chance was slim because these chaps have lived a long life and are waiting for Jesus to pick 'em up for coffee one day. So my time was running thin.

Little did I know that on this day, a WWII veteran would walk right into my workplace. I didn't have to go anywhere! Silly as it may sound, I think God knew I would be overwhelmingly blessed to meet Ernie, so He made it happen. What an incredibly loving God, down to the very last detail of our lives!

Anyway, as I listened to Ernie from afar (for the first time in my life, I was shy), he said he's running a marathon from California all the way to Florida. People. This man is 91. I can't even run two miles at the gym without falling off the elliptical.

He continued by saying it was for raising funds for an old WWII ship he wants to bring back to Normandy in 2019 to celebrate the 75th anniversary of D-Day (How cool is that?!).

1,051 USS LST's were built during WWII. The LST 325 (seen above) is the only one left that has been restored and is still operational.

And somehow, somehow, his trail lead straight through our tiny little town in west Texas where he just happened to want shirts for his marathon where I just happened to work.

After sheepishly watching him talk, I courageously (and very childishly) asked if I could take a picture with him. I blushed feeling so embarrassed to ask like he was a celebrity. But he was so kind in response and happily took the picture with me (as seen at the very top). What more, without me even having to ask, he told me what he did in the war and gave me a piece of paper that explained the intention of his marathon.

Ernie was part of a medic team in WWII and sailed on a boat called the USS LST, just like the LST 325 shown above. Who knows what sights he saw as a medic, but his job was sailing across the ocean to Saipan to pick up the wounded soldiers and aid them. He told me about how the Japanese would kill themselves for the sake of honor, and that it was perhaps the worst area where it most often occurred.

Of course I didn't have enough time to sit down and hear his stories for days and days (because I really would have listened to him speak until the cows would come home), but I will never forget having met such a kind, strangely athletic and elderly adorable man like Ernie Andrus!

And it would be cruel of me not to urge you, my fellow readers, to check out his website for his marathon at Coast2CoastRuns.com! This man is only trying to follow his dreams even at the age of 91 (which screams at the rest of us to pursue without waiting or giving up especially due to age), and if you could donate to help him reach his goal, then I'm sure he'd have a mighty swell time telling Jesus all about his success over a fine cup of coffee.

God knows he's sure lived a fine life, and a finer one yet to come!

Thank you, Ernie!

Why Jesus Man is Best Superhero

Dear fellow readers,

Today I am going to tell you why Jesus Man is Best Superhero. Some of you may be asking, who is Jesus Man? Well...

Jesus Man is a superhero. He is feared among all his enemies and is known to be the undefeated champion of Justice!

His abilities include (but are not limited to): Instant Teleportation, Invisibility, Lightning-fast Speed, Danger Senses, Enhanced Memory, Fire Resistance, Flight, Rapid Cellular Regeneration, Levitation, Nova Force, Phasing, Precognition, Resurrection, Seismic Power, Summoning Power, Super Strength, Time-frame Control, Telepathy, and Weapons Master.

Although Jesus Man is obviously the most decked-out superhero to ever be (yes, that means he's got more superpowers than Deadpool!), the world hardly knows his true name. Jesus Man's true identity, when he's not being a superhero is actually being a superhero but without a cape on, and he calls himself Jesus. Jesus Man's daily occupation is saving the planet though, so he hasn't hung his cape in a good two thousand years or so.

But! There is one very important thing you should know about Jesus Man.

It is that, for every single superhero you have seen in the comics and movies, he gave a little bit of his superpowers to that hero. Where do you think Captain America got his courage, and his stifling good looks? Where do you think Iron Man got his scientific genius, or the Hulk's desire to smash all the bad things? Superman could have never been so super without Jesus Man. And Batman wouldn't be so "Where's the detonator?"-dark-raspy-voice-kind-of cool if it weren't for him, too. 

You see, there is a little bit of Jesus Man in all the superheroes. And there's a little bit of him in you, too! That means...you are a superhero, and you know what? Since Jesus Man gave away a good portion of his superpowers to everyone, he now needs your help to make this world a better place.

And this is why Jesus Man is Best Superhero.

Because He wants each and every one of you to help Him save the day! 

So don't let Him down, SuperPeople! LET'S GO SAVE THE DAY!

The Extreme Story of Boogie-Boarding Texans

This is a story about the first female Texan of twinly nature to have ever ridden...a wave. Brace yourselves, for it has been a long time since such a story as this has ever been told.

Once upon a time (two weeks ago), there were siblings of Texans who had never been across the great waters of the Earth before (water was only a thing of myth anyway). But it seemed upon this very Christmas season that their father bestowed the gift of adventuring across such myths, and the band of siblings soon discovered a realm called "Costa Rica".

Costa Rica was a land overflowing with green-colored plants and tall bushes they called "trees", which intrigued the siblings, for they had never seen anything of the sort in Texas before. They also discovered that masses of mythological water hugged the edges of the land, never-ending, and it moved as if it were alive...

The siblings were not dismayed though. Herein they found their courage! They seized the boards of boogieing and attacked the mass of water with all their might!

Though the sister of the band of siblings observed from afar upon sandy land. She was curious of these massive movements that the locals called "waves". She watched as they arose from the depths of darkness and swallowed her brothers in a crash of thunder. Gaping, she thought surely they were dead.

But lo'! There, hovering upon the boards of boogieing, they survived the waves and laughter bellowed throughout the waters! How can this be? The sister thought. I must learn to tame such a beast as well. For if my brothers can do this...I can do it better!

So the sister seized a board of boogieing and cast herself into the "ocean", swimming as fast as she knew how to reach her brothers before a wave overthrew her courage. Just before she reached them, a wave of doom came from amidst the darkness and hurled the poor sister into the waters.

She burst to the surface, gasping and wheezing, for not only did she swallow perhaps half the ocean itself, she discovered a searing pain within her eyes. Was this the "salt" her brothers warned her about? It was as if the fires of Mordor resided inside her most vulnerable eye and nose holes.

But this did not stop her. Her courage was re-fueled by anger against the ocean. I am going to tame a wave, if it is the last thing I do!

And so it was the last thing she did because a wave swallowed her up and she was never to be found again.

Just kidding. Obviously, after constantly failing all afternoon long, she was able to catch a wave and ride it all the way to the shore on her boogie board and it was perhaps one of the most glorifying moments in all her life.

The End!

P.S: Her brothers were exposed to too much salt water and turned into ravaging ocean monsters that now lurk the shores of Costa Rica.

The THE End!